Fuck yu.

There comes a time in a relationship where everyone involved needs to take a step back and make sure they aren't in this for themselves. A relationship is about two people who care for each other and want to be with each other. Its not about yu and all yur friends. Sorry for asking yu to tell yur friends that I want us time. Sorry for wanting to spend time with just yu and maybe go to dinner or cuddle up and have a movie night. I don't think that it is to much to ask for. I have fought so hard to make this work that I am all out of fight. I am at the point where I don't care anymore. I don't want to be in this relationship where it is based solely off what yu want and not what we want as a couple. If yu can't take the time to work this out as a  couple then we have nothing. There nothing left to fight for. If I don't make yu happy and yur friends do then don't be with me be single and do what yu want. I don't want to keep fighting about the same thing when it makes no difference to yu. I am just over it. I was just fine when I moved here being single and not having a care in the world. Then yu came in and changed everything. I was okay it and I fell in love. Stupid me for thinking that yu actually cared about me. It's crazy that someone can come into yur life and change everything so quickly. Like as if nothing mattered to begin with. As if this was all just a fucking joke for yur enjoyment. I have feelings and I do care, but as of right now I don't care and it would seem as if yu don't care either. And that is fine. Go and do yur own thing with yur friends, get drunk Nd party it up because I quit. I'm done. Over it completely. Sorry for intruding on something that didn't want to be intrigued on.

Shit.

I know that he is what my heart wants but my heart hurts. I just need space right now. I need to go and show him that I am the world to him. That I am what makes him happy. And if I'm not what makes him happy then okay. I understand. I can't force him to love me or care about me. But I do know that i put all my effort into it. I layed my heart out and hoped for the best. I know that things don't always work but damn if I don't try my hardest to find out. I hate this person that I have become when it comes to a relationship. I care to much and almost never get the same in return. ): I'm so angry and so upset all at the same time. Ugh. To top it all off, we had thanksgiving a day early and I bring food home for this fucker even tho I'm mad as hell at him it never seems to matter. I'm so over being treated like shit. I get a thank yu and a bunch of complaints on the food. Next time fuck yu and starve!

Ugh. Douche

How is it that in a relationship someone could care so less. I feel alone in this and I am over it. I gave up so much to be here with him and this is what I get. Disrespect. Ugh fuck this shit man. I hate him for this. He can do whatever the fuck he wants and I get nothing. I get yelled at for going to my mom's. Not like I'm out having fun. No I'm helping my mom clean and babysit. Ughhhhhhh. At 23 I never thought I would be in the dumbest relationship like this shit. I am so mad. And he's gona come home as if nothing ever happened and try n kiss me and say he loves. No nigga if yu loved me when I woke this morning I would have known where the fuck yu where. I am at the point where I want to leave him and never come back. I feel as if this relationship is pointless. ): fuck love yo.

well I can say that I am pretty content. has been such a long time since I have felt this happy with life. I have been thru so much and to be here right now is just to amazing. I love it. I don't want to jinx it, but damn I really feel myself falling hard for this man. we have had our share of shit so far but he hasn't left yet. I have to be grateful for that right? ehh I guess. things are slowly working themselves out tho. him being here makes my whole day. I just feel so much better when I know that he is here with me and this is where he wants to be. :) and I know that people are starting to see it to. I always have a smile on my face it is because of him. all day I think about him. his touch warms my soul. regardless of the drama I know that I can count on seeing him to make my day a lot better. well I better go.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Hey girl, you make me wanna write a song,
Sit you down, I'll sing it to you all night long,
I've had a melody in my head since she walked in here and knocked me dead.
Yea girl, you make me wanna write a song

And it goes like ooh, what I wouldn't do
To write my name on your heart, get you wrapped in my arms baby all around you.
And it goes like hey, girl I'm blown away,
Yea it starts with a smile and it ends with an all night long slow kiss,
Yea it goes like this.

Hey girl, you make me wanna drive you home,
Get you outta here and get you all alone.
I don't know what it is about you, baby,
But I'm all messed up and it might sound crazy,
But you make me wanna write a song.

And it goes like ooh, what I wouldn't do,
To write my name on your heart, get you wrapped in my arms baby all around you.
And it goes like hey, girl I'm blown away,
Yea it starts with a smile and it ends with an all night long slow kiss,
Yea it goes like this.

Lookin' at you lookin' at me that way,
Makes me wanna grab my old guitar and play

Something like ooh, what I wouldn't do,
To write my name on my heart, get you wrapped in my arms baby all around you.
And it goes like hey, girl I'm blown away,
Yea it starts with a smile and it ends with an all night long slow kiss,
Yea it goes like this

And it goes like ooh, and it goes like hey,
And it ends with a kiss,
Yea it goes like this.

this song describes my mood at the moment.
love every single word.

I was pretty much hurt to max last night. I try to be understanding and okay about the situation but I find myself sitting here with heartache. I have been told many times that he wasn't good for me. but I always looked past it. I followed my heart and now its hurt. I want so bad to tell him to fuck off and just move on but I cant. I want to see him. I want him to hold me give me a kiss and tell me that we will work this out. I know that I cant be okay with this and that nothing will change, but what if it does? do I give him another chance or just I jut let go? I am so stuck. I hate having this feeling. I feel like no matter what I say or do it will always be the same. I tried to talk to him last night and he just walked away like I was nothing. just brushed it off like what I had to say meant nothing. I wasn't rude or raise my voice I was simply trying to talking to him. all he had to say was sorry. why do all men turn to sorry for the answer? sorry doesn't work with me. there should have never been a reason for him to have to say sorry. I should have never had to bring it up again. he knew how I felt about it from the get so why not take care of it and move on. I have been so willing to work it out and make excuses for him and defend him for every little thing. I have fought non stop with my mom about this since I was open with her about him. she told me that I deserve better. I deserve someone who is going to shower me in expensive things and take me to a fancy dinner and show me love and affection all the time. I personally don't care about the expensive things or the fancy dinners. to me a relationship should be about to people who care about one another and want to make it happen regardless of the problems that come along. I want companionship. some to come home to and kiss me on the forehead. someone to say hey babe how was your day? someone to have an awesome conversation with and not have to worry about the people around me complaining about that person I am with. I just want to be happy and I don't think that it is to much to ask for. you know last night he told me that we would talk about this today and he still hasn't come over. he is always here bright and early everyday never fails. yet its past 3pm and he is still not here. no call no nothing. ughhhh. just come here already.
xoxoxoxoxoxox ash.

I sit and I think. I know that I cant make him do anything that he doesn't want to do but, a girl can wish right? idk what is more irritating, the fact that he knows and still does it or that I let it continue. ugh. this is so frustrating. I try so hard to make everyone around me happy and its like no one is happy and I am miserable. I always have a headache thinking about this. I am so tempted to tell my mom to just take him home but, I don't want to seem over barring. I mean is it over barring to be that way? is it wrong of me to want something so bad and just want it for myself? I ask these questions hoping that one day I will have an answer but that never happens. I just want to have a normal relationship. what is normal nowadays anyway? seems like normal is a male who does whatever he wants while the female just sits at home and worries. then we as females start fights because the male doesn't understand that what he is doing is wrong. in his eyes no matter what he does its okay. but if we as females even want to hang with a few girlfriends its such a big deal and they blow up our phones. is it genuine care or the subconscious telling that that we might be doing what they are doing? I know that not every male in a relationship acts this way but in most cases it is that way. and I just cant help but think that it isn't fair for the male to be okay hurting his women but it isn't okay foe the female to want to do something with being questioned the same way. myself, I have never been the type to cheat I anyway. if I am in a solid relationship I stick to it. 100% no cracks in between. but maybe that is just me.ughhhhhhhh. help?!?!?!?!????!?!
xoxoxoxox ash.