I was pretty much hurt to max last night. I try to be understanding and okay about the situation but I find myself sitting here with heartache. I have been told many times that he wasn't good for me. but I always looked past it. I followed my heart and now its hurt. I want so bad to tell him to fuck off and just move on but I cant. I want to see him. I want him to hold me give me a kiss and tell me that we will work this out. I know that I cant be okay with this and that nothing will change, but what if it does? do I give him another chance or just I jut let go? I am so stuck. I hate having this feeling. I feel like no matter what I say or do it will always be the same. I tried to talk to him last night and he just walked away like I was nothing. just brushed it off like what I had to say meant nothing. I wasn't rude or raise my voice I was simply trying to talking to him. all he had to say was sorry. why do all men turn to sorry for the answer? sorry doesn't work with me. there should have never been a reason for him to have to say sorry. I should have never had to bring it up again. he knew how I felt about it from the get so why not take care of it and move on. I have been so willing to work it out and make excuses for him and defend him for every little thing. I have fought non stop with my mom about this since I was open with her about him. she told me that I deserve better. I deserve someone who is going to shower me in expensive things and take me to a fancy dinner and show me love and affection all the time. I personally don't care about the expensive things or the fancy dinners. to me a relationship should be about to people who care about one another and want to make it happen regardless of the problems that come along. I want companionship. some to come home to and kiss me on the forehead. someone to say hey babe how was your day? someone to have an awesome conversation with and not have to worry about the people around me complaining about that person I am with. I just want to be happy and I don't think that it is to much to ask for. you know last night he told me that we would talk about this today and he still hasn't come over. he is always here bright and early everyday never fails. yet its past 3pm and he is still not here. no call no nothing. ughhhh. just come here already.
xoxoxoxoxoxox ash.