why is it that i allow myself to subjected into such ignorance. i know better then to allow a man to hurt me. not physically but emotionally. i have come such a long way to turn around and allow it to happen again. ten months ago i walked away from a very abusive relationship. not physically but and emotionally abusive relationship. it was to the point that i didn't even want to eat. i wasn't sleeping, i was just sitting on the couch feeling bad for myself as if that was going to change anything. but of course it didn't. he seen my weakness and used it to his full advantage. although it was my fault for allowing it, i was beat. i woke up one day called my job and quit. cashed my last check and rented a u-hal packed all my shit in it. said one final good bye to my apartment and moved 86 miles inland to hemet. when he came to find i had moved out he was blowing my phone up. i changed my number and  just didn't talk to anyone.for several months. i was so devastated. my heart was completely broken. two months after living here i was feeling good. i hadn't to R and my self esteem was coming back. i then met Jason. he was a friend to my brother. he is 26 has a job and comes with baggage. me being the way i am, just looked past it. he was good to me. he has made me feel wanted. the biggest baggage that comes with him is and ex girlfriend. she cheated on him and got pregnant and wont leave him alone. i defend him all the time to my mom. but then shit happens like last night. he is outside my apartment with her chillin til i don't even know when. i went to bed at 1:30 and they were still outside. i have been in here defending him to my mom, why? because i see the better in him yet he is making me look like an idiot. i feel like a dumb ass sitting here defending someone who is not even trying to make the situation better. ugh it just bullshit. just a bad day thats for sure.

xoxoxo ashh.